


My cousin is dumb and I am too

by heihua



Category: Haikyuu!!, 弱虫ペダル | Yowamushi Pedal
Genre: Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 19:07:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1829020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heihua/pseuds/heihua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imaizumi just wants to spend time with his crush Onoda. If only he knew how to get that across to Onoda. Not having to deal with his academically dumb cousin would also be a plus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My cousin is dumb and I am too

**Author's Note:**

> Super self-indulgent and basically has no plot.
> 
> I am sorry friends.

Imaizumi stands before his parents with a look so grave they almost start to have war flashbacks. His father has the house phone in hand, ready to speed dial the Kanzaki Bike Shop and his mother is clutching _How to Stop Your Son from Being Upset Because He Can't Play His Sport_ tight enough against her chest there was going to be an imprint of it against her skin soon (the book was loaned to her by her poor older sister who knows all too well what it's like raising a child with a one-track mind about sports though her's cares about volleyball instead of bike races) as they hold their breath and prepare for the bomb to drop.

"I..." Imaizumi begins, then stops. His eyebrows are furrowed and he's scowling so fiercely his mother's afraid that he's been replaced by his cousin Tobio. His father's finger twitches against the phone, like a cowboy with his finger pressed against the trigger of his gun as he prepares for a showdown. His mother clutches the book like it contains all the secrets of the universe in it and furtively prays that her son only sulk for a day instead of a month like he did back in middle school when his bike's brakes were two seconds to slow and he couldn't get them fixed until the day after one of his races.

He manages to gather his courage in the end and he begins again, with renewed confidence and strength even though his face looks twisted enough to make him look like a serial killer. Or Tobio. Which was basically the same thing.

"I need a tutor," Imaizumi finally says.

It's suddenly, unnervingly silent in the living room. His father's hand is still clutching the house phone the same way his mother clutches her book and for a moment, Imaizumi thinks they hadn't heard him.

"I need a tutor," he repeats, louder. "For math. And English. Maybe history too. And all the other subjects, but just on the side. Math's the most important one right now."

"A....tutor," his father parrots. He casts a very confused _'so what do I do with this phone now'_ kind of look at the phone in his hand, then to Imaizumi's mother who seems to have gone into a state of shock that involves her refusing to ever let go of her book (at this point, she feels mightily cheated by the universe and she doesn't understand why).

Imaizumi nods, once. "A tutor," he says again. "For math," he adds, for extra emphasis.

"There's....nothing wrong with your bike?" his father tentatively asks, as if afraid that this is all a ruse of some sort that Imaizumi will put away once cycling is mentioned. That or he's speaking in some sort of secret, teenage code which seemed far more likely to Imaizumi's parents than having their son ask for a _tutor_.

"No," Imaizumi tells them, voice completely calm which means he isn't lying about his bike.

This is even more frightening to Imaizumi's parents because when had their single-minded, anti-social son become interested in _doing well in school?_ It would make sense if it was because his grades were so low that they would affect his ability to participate in club activities but last his parents checked, their son was still slightly above average in the school rankings—the same as always and it had never bothered Imaizumi then.

So why was it bothering him now?

Had their son possibly started to care about something else other than cycling? The implications of such a thing is almost too much for his poor parents. His mother is ready to burst into tears and is minutes away from calling up her older sister to tell her the good news. His father is struggling between putting on a smile and also bursting into tears so his face ends up distorting into a pained grimace that matches Imaizumi's earlier expression.

"Sure," his father chokes out because by god, he finally has proof that their son isn't as socially and mentally incompetent as they had all believed. "We'll look for a tutor right away."

Imaizumi thank his parents, and then asks his dad if he needs to go to the toilet ("Are you having bowel troubles again, dad?").

 

 

 

"I found a tutor," Imaizumi announces to Onoda, two days later.

Onoda yelps and falls off his bike. Not from the news but from the fact that Imaizumi had deemed it necessary to appear at the front of Onoda's house before morning practice and tell Onoda the news in place of a morning greeting or even an explanation as to _why he was even here_.

"He's a math tutor," Imaizumi elaborates, as if the extra detail would be enough to compensate for his utter lack of tact and overall social etiquette.

"That's...nice?" is Onoda's response and very failed attempt at trying to follow Imaizumi's skewed train of thought. Because while Onoda is almost as bad as socializing as Imaizumi at least he thinks like a normal person barring instances where _Love Hime_ is involved.

"You needed help in math right?" Imaizumi asks and Onoda can't really do anything but nod. "So you should come too. The tutoring session, I mean. For help. In math."

"Um," Onoda helpfully supplies.

"I'll text you where and when the session will be," Imaizumi says, taking Onoda's lack of an answer as an affirmative and bikes away.

"What," is all Onoda manages to get out at Imaizumi's quickly disappearing back.

His mother's head pops out from the front door. "Don't just stand there Sakamichi. Go chase after your boyfriend, or you're going to be late!"

 

 

 

Operation Subtly-Invite-Your-Crush-Over had gone off without a hitch. Imaizumi congratulates himself on a job well done—until his mother tells him the news.

 

 

 

"Tobio's visiting this weekend," his mother casually tells Imaizumi during dinner, like she hadn't just dropped a bomb on top of Imaizumi's carefully structured plan for the weekend.

 _'Calm down, calm down,'_ he tells himself, frantically trying to salvage whatever bits of his plan that had not been touched by the bomb.

"And since he also needs help in math, I told him about the math tutor. So he'll be joining you for the tutoring session this weekend."

Whatever parts of the plan Imaizumi had salvaged instantly crumbles to dust.

"I already invited my friend to come," Imaizumi grits out, his one last attempt to save himself.

His mother beams. "Wonderful! You can introduce him to Tobio. I'll make sure to tell the tutor about them."

He's doomed.

 

 

 

The tutor had been wonderfully understanding when he had talked to Imaizumi's mother over the phone and had quickly agreed to the two extra people that would be joining their session. Extra monetary compensation also probably had to do with it (tutors weren't all that rich) but tutoring two more kids than he bargained for wasn't going to hurt him.

Then he meets his student, the two extras and the third person who was brought along by one of the extra kids and while that may not have been enough to make him break down and cry in the middle of a public fast food establishment the ensuing two hours did.

 

 

 

Tobio had stopped breathing for the fifth time in the last ten minutes.

Imaizumi would have gladly watched his cousin turn blue in the face, faint and then be carted off in an ambulance so Imaizumi could have his originally planned study date with Onoda but his crush was already frantically patting Tobio on the back again and reminding him that it was just a math problem, he could do it, he just had to believe he could!

It was easier said than done, though, as Onoda's problem sheet only had two more problems done than Tobio's. But Onoda tries—by god does he try—and Imaizumi's pretty sure saving a person's life is worth more than a couple of math problems even if that life ranked at the near bottom of Imaizumi's "People I want to see alive" (the only reason Tobio wasn't ranked at the bottom was because Naruko was already there).

Someone pokes Imaizumi's shoulder and Imaizumi turns away from Tobio's slowly blue-ing face to have the orange-haired boy Tobio had bought along shove his near-empty practice sheet in his face.

"How do you do this problem again?" he frantically whispers, pointing at the second problem on the paper.

Imaizumi stares at the paper. "You just add them together," he slowly explains. He's somewhat convinced that if he spoke too fast the boy—Hinata, he remembers—was going to start crying. That or his head would explode from thinking too hard and Imaizumi did not want any murder charges on his record.

Speaking slowly didn't seem to work though as Hinata merely fixes Imaizumi with an even more frantic look. "But they're not numbers! It's x and y. You can't add letters together!"

Behind him, Imaizumi hears Tobio breathe in too hard and start choking.

Onoda's panicked "Are you okay Kageyama-kun?!" drowns out the tutor's own choking. Briefly, Imaizumi wonders if the tutor is as close to tears as Hinata is (but probably for different reasons).

"Here, I'll show you my work," Imaizumi offers, sliding his paper over to Hinata. "But if you still don't understand, you should just ask Yama-san."

"But his head looks like a meat bun!" Hinata loudly whispers. "He's like, a talking meat bun person!"

The tutor Yama-san quietly begins to sob. He sobs a little louder when still-forgetting-to-breathe Tobio's head crashes into the table and spills soda over everyone's papers.

 

 

 

"Why did you even invite your team-mate to come?" Imaizumi asks Tobio after the disastrous tutoring session had finally ended and Tobio was no longer in danger of suffering from brain damage via lack of oxygen.

"He asked," Tobio says and Imaizumi automatically knows he's lying through his teeth.

"You like him, don't you?"

"NO," Tobio yells, which Imaizumi translates into "OF COURSE".

 

 

 

In the end, Yama-san still gets his money but declines any and all future tutoring sessions with Imaizumi and everyone he could possibly know/be related to. Imaizumi could care less as he was more concerned over the fact that he had only been able to exchange a total amount of three sentences in conversation with Onoda during those whole two hours which meant his Spend-More-Time-With-Your-Crush plan was now pushed back and he would have to start all over again.

At least he learned the tutor approach wasn't a good idea.


End file.
